Both my parents were abused as children. Child abuse is epigenetic – like hair and eye color. My childhood went away when the abuse started. I lived in a constant state of fight or flight, freeze, or fawn and when there was no escape the only thing left was to FAIL. A child trapped in inescapable child abuse trauma fails all the time.
The brains of traumatized children living in constant fear develop differently. Neurotransmitters break down, memories are erased, triggers are embedded, feelings and emotions are twisted and buried. Untreated child abuse lasts forever. Survivors can’t hear the music of life everyone else hears. The music of life is very different for us.
The violence of terrible things done to me as a young boy became my normal. The traumas I endured in the home changed how I live in the world. For much of my life, I was not of sound mind. I made many bad decisions that caused much suffering. Decades of research, counselling, support groups, and some great lifetime male friends have made me a survivor. I have developed a gift of connecting with marginalized people. In my 77 years I’ve discovered how many of us there are.
The ACEs studies and my own experience have taught me that most of the homeless, incarcerated, and severely depressed were victims of child abuse. We “know” each other. We can just start a conversation based on mutual trust & respect. Is this a “gift” I wanted? NO! But it has been helpful in my vocation of service. It makes me feel good.
Please be kind. This is a difficult world for many millions of untreated/undertreated survivors struggling each day with the violence done to us as children.
Hart C
