What Foster Parents Can Do
The Critical Role of Foster Parents
Healing, Advocating, and Transforming Lives
Foster parents are the linchpin of the American child welfare system—a system stretched to its limits, delivering traumatized, at-risk children into the care of ordinary citizens with extraordinary compassion. The task is daunting: foster parents are called to provide safety, stability, and healing to children suffering the aftermath of abuse, neglect, and family separation. Yet despite their centrality, foster parents are often undersupported, misunderstood, or even maligned in public discourse. This comprehensive section, grounded in the book’s lived experience and augmented by pivotal research and expert guidance, details not only what foster parents can do, but why their actions are the foundation of hope for America’s most vulnerable youth.
- Demand and Document Full Trauma Histories
Knowing What Children Carry
- Insist on Transparency: Foster parents must demand full disclosure of a child’s trauma history from child welfare agencies. Understanding a child’s background—the nature and duration of abuse, mental health diagnoses, educational gaps, and pharmacological interventions—is essential to effective caregiving and advocacy.
- Why It Matters: Children’s behaviors are directly shaped by past trauma. A foster child may rage, withdraw, or sabotage relationships not because they are “bad children,” but because trauma has rewired their reactions and expectations. “No history” or vague summaries set both child and parent up for frustration and failure.
- Record and Monitor: Keep a detailed log of behaviors, incidents, medication side effects, and academic progress. This documentation is critical not only for advocating with agencies and schools but for contributing to more accurate, child-centered case planning.
- Advocate Relentlessly for Therapeutic Services—Not Just Compliance…
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Moving Beyond Behavioral Control
- Push for Therapy Over Medication: For decades, one-third of American foster children have been prescribed psychotropic medications, most often without adequate therapy. Foster parents can—and must—insist on trauma-informed mental health care as a complement or alternative to medication when safe and appropriate. Advocate for therapy that recognizes the complex and persistent nature of childhood trauma, such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) or play therapy for young children.
- Reject “Quick Fixes”: “Good behavior” achieved through coercion, strict compliance, or overreliance on medication does not equate to healing. Foster parents are uniquely positioned to identify when interventions are causing harm rather than fostering growth.
- Demand Wraparound Support: Utilize resources such as crisis nurseries, support groups, and family coaches. When needed services (such as occupational or speech therapy) are recommended but unavailable due to waiting lists or costs, foster parents can organize collectively to push agencies for access agreements and funding.
- Commit to Long-Term Healing and Stability—Not Just Shelter
The Value of Permanency and Predictability
- Prioritize Stability: Children thrive in stable, predictable environments. Commit to providing consistency of routine, clear expectations, and emotionally safe spaces—even when faced with aggressive or disorganized behaviors. The healing impact of basic rituals (dinner together, bedtime reading) is strongly supported by neuroscience.
- Embrace Lifelong Advocacy: Foster parenting is more than opening your home; it is a lifelong act of relationship. Many youth will need supportive adults well into adulthood and legal independence. Open and ongoing contact with foster “alumni” reinforces positive identity and models unconditional commitment.
- Guard Against Disruption: Minimize placement disruptions by seeking support (respite care, family counseling, peer groups) when overwhelmed. Frequent moves compound trauma and are strongly correlated with poor academic, emotional, and health outcomes.
- Model Empathy, Boundaries, and Skill-Building
Compassionate Authority
- Balance Care and Structure: Children with trauma histories need both nurturing and boundaries. Set compassionate, clear limits while communicating the reasons for rules and consequences.
- Teach and Practice Emotional Regulation: Children often lack vocabulary and models for managing emotions. Coach them through emotional storms by naming feelings, teaching coping strategies (e.g., breathing, artistic outlets), and providing calm feedback. The book emphasizes that emotional literacy skills—naming feelings, managing anxiety—are among the best predictors of future success.
- Be Trauma-Informed in Discipline: Understand that triggers (certain words, sounds, or situations) can provoke outsized or “baffling” reactions. Respond to escalation with de-escalation strategies—gentle firmness, physical space, and soothing, rather than threats or physical discipline.
- Engage Schools, Medical Professionals, and Agencies as Allies and Watchdogs
Holistic Advocacy
- Educate Schools on Trauma: Partner with teachers and school counselors, sharing essential information on trauma triggers and coping strategies without violating privacy or dignity. Request and support Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) or 504 plans when learning disabilities or attention challenges arise.
- Communicate With Health Providers: Ensure medical professionals understand the child’s trauma background and monitor all medication closely for side effects, especially those related to suicidal ideation or sedation.
- Hold Agencies Accountable: Foster parents must act as watchdogs as well as partners with agencies, demanding caseworker visits, best-practice assessments, and timely access to services. Document agency communication and respond promptly but assertively to lapses, delays, or dismissals of concerns.
- Nurture Identity, Connection, and Belonging
Healing the Loss of Family
- Honor Cultural and Family Heritage: Support the child’s connection to cultural, religious, or kin traditions. For children of color, LGBTQ+ youth, or those with disabilities, create space for positive identity development and address any bias or microaggression encountered in family or community life.
- Facilitate Safe Birth Family Contact: When safe and appropriate, support ongoing relationships with birth parents, siblings, and kin. Research consistently indicates that children fare better emotionally and developmentally with continuity in relationships.
- Encourage Community Engagement: Enroll youth in safe after-school activities, faith communities, or mentorship programs. Extracurricular connections foster belonging, self-esteem, and the opportunity to build relationships with non-familial adults.
- Participate in Peer Support and Continuous Learning
Never Go It Alone
- Join Foster Parent Networks: Isolation is a major driver of burnout. Local and state foster parent associations, online forums, and community peer groups offer space to share stories, get advice, and advocate for policy and systems change.
- Embrace Ongoing Training: Trauma, behavior management, mental health first aid, legal rights, and special education law should be part of every foster parent’s toolbox. Training resources, including those offered by CASA, Child Welfare League of America, and regional agencies, provide critical preparation and renewal.
- Mentor New Parents: Experienced foster parents are invaluable mentors to newcomers. Share lessons learned and create intentional buddy systems for support, especially during crises.
- Champion Policy Reform and Child Advocacy
Impact Beyond the Home
- Push for Systemic Change: Effective foster parents raise their voices for improved funding, transparency, and best-practice standards at agency and legislative levels. The book urges foster parents to contact lawmakers, attend public meetings, and participate in oversight bodies.
- Speak Out on Over-Medication and Systemic Failures: Foster parents are first-hand witnesses to harmful quick-fix practices. Working with advocacy groups, they can highlight the dangers of overusing psychiatric drugs, reliance on institutional placements, and lapses in oversight.
- Model and Teach Civic Engagement: Empower children by showing them advocacy in action—writing letters to representatives, attending community meetings, and volunteering.
- Attend to Self-Care and Family Resilience
Sustaining the Heart for the Journey
- Practice Self-Compassion: Foster parents carry vicarious trauma and emotional strain. Organizational support (counseling, respite care, family recreation grants) is vital to sustaining this work. Recognize signs of burnout and seek help early.
- Engage the Whole Family: When fostering as a couple or with biological children at home, address everyone’s feelings and boundaries. Family counseling can help process jealousy, grief, or confusion.
- Celebrate Successes: Victories may be incremental—a child learning a new skill, a school year completed, a sibling reunion. Honor these milestones and the resilience behind them.
- Share Stories, Challenge Stigma, and Educate Communities
Changing the Narrative
- Tell the Truth, Share the Hope: Foster parents’ voices are essential for educating the public and lawmakers. Share both the joys and the honest realities—what foster youth bring, what families need, why systemic change is urgent.
- Challenge Stereotypes: Combat media myths that blame foster youth or demonize biological families without context. Advocate for trauma-informed, non-stigmatizing language in schools, media, and community dialogue.
- Create Conversation: Host informational sessions, write op-eds or blog posts, and support media that covers child welfare from a fact-based, empathetic perspective.
Stories from the Front Lines
Case Study 1: Healing Through Consistency
A foster father in Minnesota describes a seven-year-old who, after years in a violent home, responded to every perceived threat by hiding or lashing out. Through months of gentle routine, daily affirmations, and patience during setbacks, the boy began to trust, ask for help, and focus at school—a process that took not weeks, but years, yet transformed his prospects.
Case Study 2: Advocating Against Medication-Only Solutions
A foster mother documented troubling changes in her teenage foster daughter after starting a second psychotropic medication: increased sleep, loss of appetite, and withdrawal. Her repeated documentation and advocacy secured referral to a trauma therapist, reduction in medication, and, eventually, a recovery of the child’s interest in school and peers.
Case Study 3: Fighting for Family Reunification with Safety
Another foster parent, seeing the pain of a child unable to see her siblings, worked persistently with her caseworker and CASA advocate to ensure safe, regular sibling visitations and ongoing connections to extended family. The child’s marked improvement in mood and reduction in anxiety symptoms highlighted the importance of belonging and connectedness.
Leading Sources and Insights
- National CASA/GAL Association: Data on outcomes for children served by volunteer advocacy.
- Annie E. Casey Foundation, Pew Charitable Trusts: Research on foster care, kinship, and transition-aged youth.
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child, The Deepest Well (Burke Harris): Science of trauma, resilience, and the critical role of healing relationships.
- U.S. Department of Health & Human Services: Administrative data trends, suicide/self-harm, and special population outcomes.
Conclusion: Foster Parent as Catalyst
Foster parents stand at the intersection of trauma and hope, confronting daunting odds to provide the safe, consistent, and loving environments children need to heal and thrive. Their work is not only about sheltering a child but about partnering with systems, informing policy, and building the knowledge and skills required to break cycles of harm. By demanding transparency and resources, practicing trauma-informed care, nurturing identity and connection, and engaging in systemic advocacy, foster parents are the nation’s most underappreciated miracle workers.
Foster parent heroism is not measured merely in good intentions, but in the daily grind of listening, learning, and loving—of building families that heal not just children, but the fractured systems surrounding them. A society willing to back, support, and empower its foster parents—financially, politically, and culturally—creates hope for millions and becomes more just, compassionate, and resilient.
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This article submitted by former CASA volunteer Mike Tikkanen
