The following research and interview by Raeann Fetcho, Bay Path University
Would you like to share your pronouns and how you identify within the LGBTQ+ community?
I use they/it pronouns. I am gendervoid, which is kind of a more obscure gender identity. The way I’ve always described it to people is that most people have a feeling of their identity and what they are. I’ve never had anything. Gender isn’t really a part of my life or how I feel in myself. Gendervoid is where you don’t have that feeling or there’s nothing there for you. I am a queer individual. I just go by queer because I struggle putting labels on things, and I don’t think you necessarily need a label.
How did you come to terms with your identity?
Being queer and the sexuality part wasn’t as hard for me. I always knew I liked women. The journey was then finding out who else I liked and what I didn’t like. I feel like when you first join the community, you’re not always presented with how many identities there are. I feel like a lot of people tend to come in uneducated, and I think that’s definitively how I came in. I come from a very homophobic town, so we didn’t have that many people that were out. I didn’t know much. I started identifying as queer because I’m still not sure. My gender identity took a lot longer. I fairly recently figured it out, and a lot of it was through support from friends from school. A lot of the people in my friend group are not cisgender, so they kind of just helped me realize. For a while, I didn’t want to change anything or be out in that way because my family is very against things like that. I told them about my friends and their pronouns. Hearing them disrespect them made me very anxious for how I would be perceived if I did it. I have not yet. They don’t know, but I felt very confident in my friends and how they would accept me and how the school would accept me. I can be myself here. I live fulltime at the school, so that also made it a lot easier. I think I always knew that I wasn’t just cisgender. I knew I was transgender in some way. I just couldn’t figure it out for a little bit.
What was your coming out process like?
It wasn’t great. I told my younger sister because we were talking one night. She and my other sisters had an intervention for me. My family has always dated pretty young. Out of a lot of my siblings, I think four or five of my sisters have had a teen pregnancy. It was considered really odd that I wasn’t dating at I think fourteen, so they had a little intervention for me just being like, “Hey, what’s wrong with you?” I finally told them I don’t think I like cis men. My other sisters were like, “It’s totally fine. Don’t worry about it. We’ll keep this between us,” because my father is very against that. But then, my younger sister went and told my entire family. Unfortunately, after that, I got kicked out. I didn’t really get to tell anybody other than my sisters. The rest of the coming out was done by her.
I’m so sorry that happened. How did that experience impact your mental health?
Not fantastically. Unfortunately, I went to self-harm and suicide. I tried to end myself a couple times. I was homeless for a little bit. I bounced from a lot of different places, but sometimes I was just kind of on the street, just trying to get by, stealing for food and just doing my best. I was always sad and in a lot of pain. I just really didn’t want to be here anymore. As time went on, especially in college, I feel as though I’ve gotten a lot better since college. Because I have a strong support system here, I’m getting a lot better. I haven’t had any thoughts of that in a while now. Of course, I still struggle with it sometimes. Sometimes it still pops up, but now that I have better mental health and better people around me, I’m able to just push that, which is good. I also started getting nightmares after what happened because a lot of horrible things can happen when you’re on the street bouncing between houses, unfortunately. Some pretty awful things happened, and to this day I still get nightmares.
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You are so strong! What advice would you give to someone going through a similar situation, either with coming to terms with their identity or facing backlash from their family?
I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it in the end. To be who you are is a special part of you and should be embraced even if others don’t understand that yet.
Remembering Young LGBTQ+ Lives: More Than Statistics
- Jamel Myles, 9
At just 9 years old, Colorado fourth grader Jamel Myles died by suicide. Jamel faced severe bullying in school. Just days after coming out as gay to his classmates, he was found dead (Ducharme, 2018).
- Jadin Bell, 15
Fifteen-year-old Jadin Bell was the only openly gay student at his Oregon high school. He was harassed by classmates both in person and on social media over his sexuality. On a cold January afternoon, Jadin hanged himself (Toutonghi, 2013).
- Jamey Rodemeyer, 14
Despite having supportive parents, Jamey Rodemeyer shared online that he faced bullying over his bisexuality at school. He received hateful messages from several internet users in response and died by suicide a few months later (Hughes, 2011).
- Nigel Shelby, 15
Ninth-grader Nigel Shelby was an aspiring performer described as having a “heart of gold.” He struggled with depression, was targeted by bullies for being gay, and died by suicide at just fifteen years old. An Alabama Deputy was placed on leave after leaving a homophobic comment on a Facebook post announcing Nigel’s death (Griffith, 2019).
- Eli Fritchley, 12
Bullies mocked how Tennessee seventh-grader Eli Fritchley dressed and told him he would go to Hell for being gay. Heartbreakingly, Eli died by suicide at only twelve years old (Cooper, 2021).
- Seth Walsh, 13
Even before coming out as gay, Seth Walsh faced bullying over his mannerisms and clothes. By seventh grade, he was afraid to walk home due to homophobic harassment. At thirteen-years-old, Seth hanged himself in his backyard (Alexander, 2010).
- Zachary Kirchner, 15
Zachary Kirchner was an openly gay freshman who loved gymnastics, roller coasters, and making people laugh. After experiencing bullying and abuse by classmates, he hanged himself. Zachary’s mother has filed a lawsuit against the school district and members of its faculty for not taking steps to prevent his suicide (Levesque, 2023).
- Leelah Acorn, 17
Leelah Acorn felt like a girl since she was four. She was rejected by her parents and forced into psychiatric treatment for being transgender. After sharing a suicide note detailing her parent’s actions on Tumblr, Leelah died walking into the path of a tractor-trailer (Wilchins, 2019).
- Rafael Morelos, 14
Fourteen-year-old Rafael Morelos hanged himself after being cyberbullied, shoved, and punched for being gay. His mother was not aware of the bullying he was facing each day (HuffPost, 2012).
- Channing Smith, 16
Two classmates outed sixteen-year-old Channing Smith. After private messages between Channing and another boy were leaked, he shared on Instagram that he would be off social media for a while. At 4 am the next morning, Channing was found dead by suicide (West, 2019).
References
Alexander, B. (2010, October 2). The bullying of Seth Walsh: Requiem for a small-town boy. Time. https://content.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2023083,00.html
Cooper, A. (2021, December 7). 12-yo dies by suicide after bullies say he’d go to hell for being gay. Advocate. https://www.advocate.com/news/2021/12/07/12-year-old-boy-kills-self-after-bullies-say-hed-go-hell-being-gay
Ducharme, J. (2018, August 28). A 9-year-old Colorado boy’s death by suicide highlights the challenges facing LGBTQ kids. Time. https://time.com/5380203/lgbtq-youth-suicide/
Griffith, J. (2019, April 24). Mother of gay Alabama teen who died by suicide hopes his death encourages tolerance. NBC News. https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/mother-gay-alabama-teen-who-died-suicide-hopes-his-death-n998056