Anna’s Story (Transgender Youth Interview & Statistics)

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The effects of anti-LGBTQ+ policies

on Youth in the United States today

 Interview

IN HER WORDS:

By: Anna, she/her (age 16)

Parents: Kylie & John

Interview via Zoom: February 16, 2023

[Public Disclosure: Based on a true interview, the location has intentionally been omitted,

and the names of the child and parents have been changed to protect the identity of a minor]

 

(4.1)    Tell me about yourself and your family. I have four older brothers, and always felt like we didn’t have anything in common. They would play ball and fight all the time, loved getting dirty and lost in the woods, and I hated all of that! I didn’t like to dress like them, either. I would ask them to play with me and watch movies, but they never wanted to do anything I liked to do. It was four against one. I’d always lose.

 

(4.2)    Wow! Four older brothers! That must have been fun growing up! Well, yes and no! (laughs) We have always been a close-knit family. I am the baby, so of course, they say I’m the spoiled one, but they love having a sister, and they are super protective over me, sometimes a little too protective! (laughs)

My mom always said that having a sister has taught the family to express our emotions freely, making us a stronger unit.

 

(4.3)    When did you transition? My mom told me I was about 4 years old the first time I told her I was a girl, but I think it was more obvious a few years after that. When I started school, I’m not sure if it was more in preschool or kindergarten, but I was part of the girl’s group. We played with dolls, dressed up, and had tea parties. I felt like we were the same, and everyone seemed to accept it.

 

(4.4)    How did you choose your name? We all had a part in it. I asked my mom and dad what they would have named me if I had been born a girl. My mom said Dana, and my dad wanted Annabelle. My brothers said they like Dianna or Marie. So that’s how we selected DayAnna Marie. We combined them all.

It was a true family effort.

 

(4.5)    How did you tell your friends? Oh, I don’t know. I was always ‘one of the girls,’ so it was just so natural. I don’t think anyone really thought differently at the time ~ I was a girl. No one ever called me otherwise. They always referred to me as she or her and called me DayAnna or Daylight.

 

(4.6)    Can you tell me about anytime you were faced with adversity? Sadly, yes. This used to be very difficult to admit and discuss. So, please bear with me. I am still healing.

Things started to become a little more uncomfortable as I got older. My dad accepted a new job, and we moved out of state away from all my friends.

My new school was not as supportive and open to me. I remember my first day. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to get to meet new people. My mom and I went to the mall to get a new outfit and I picked out a pink top, skinny jeans, and a pair of flats. I carried my purse and wore my hair up in a ponytail with a bow. The kids stared at me and started teasing me, calling me some really hurtful words. I didn’t understand it because I was not used to that reaction. When I told my teacher, she told me it was because I wasn’t dressed properly and had to change my outfit and look more like a boy. I told her I am a girl. She sent me to the principal’s office for being disobedient.

 

That must have been so awful for you to experience. I am so sorry to hear that! Thank you, yes it was very hard and embarrassing! And because this was something I had never had to face before. I have been living openly as a female for like, I don’t know, what, like 6, maybe 7 years at that point?, and my identity has never been questioned or challenged before.

So, I went to the principal’s office in tears and told her what had happened. I guess I thought she would let me know everything was okay, and she would have a conversation with the teacher and send me back to class. But instead, she lectured me about wearing feminine clothes and said, ‘that’s not how a young boy is supposed to dress.” She called my mom, told her what had happened, and asked her to bring me “appropriate clothing” to change into so I could return to class.

I remember sitting in the front office, crying, waiting for my mom. I was so scared and ashamed, like I had done something wrong. My mother got there really quickly, and to my surprise, my father left work to be there with her, and they were empty-handed, which did not make the principal happy. But I don’t think that mattered very much to my parents because they were even angrier at them (*school: principal & teacher).

 

What happened next?  We (*DayAnna & her siblings) were taught to never judge another person for our differences. That everyone is unique and has a special gift to offer the world. People don’t understand what they don’t know and will never see another person’s perspectives or struggles unless they are open-minded.

I don’t live in a bubble. I know that the world is not always happy and kind. I may not agree with the concept, but I understand that kids bully and tease other kids that are different from them, or for whatever other reason they may have. I don’t want to make excuses for kids being mean because there never are reasons for it. But at the same time, we are at that age where we are trying to figure out who we are and see where we fit in with our surroundings. And for the most part, the behaviors we absorb, we are learning from our adults raising us, our parents/guardians, teachers, neighbors, even our government.

I cannot understand or accept an adult being a bully, ESPECIALLY to a Child!

 

(4.7)    Yes, you are absolutely correct. That is a powerful statement. However, I am curious, after your parents met with the principal and teacher, did your school experience get any better? No. Not at all. School was a nightmare, and I was terrified of going out in public alone.

My family became the outsiders in the community, the ‘troublemakers.’ My brothers were getting into fights to protect me, and my parents were making so much noise at school and in the community that it came to a point where it was ‘us against them.’

I couldn’t take all the fighting and pain anymore. I loved my family so much, but I felt I was the cause of their struggles and adding more stress to their plate. So, I started dressing like a boy and hiding who I was to try to make it better, but it didn’t. The kids were still mean to me for being ‘gay’ and expletive words I’m not comfortable sharing, and I felt like I was losing myself because I was ignoring my authentic self to satisfy those around me.

Gym class was the worst. My teacher would separate the class into boys and girls, I had to play the boys’ sports and change in the boy’s locker room, and use the boy’s bathroom because they said it wasn’t right for a boy to be in a girls rooms for privacy reasons, but I felt it was okay with them (*school, teachers, & peers) to put me in a situation with boys where I didn’t feel safe or comfortable.

My parents always said that they didn’t want me to be someone or something I wasn’t just to make others feel comfortable and that I didn’t have to dress like a boy just because society says that’s what I’m supposed to do.

They always said that the world can be so small sometimes, and we (*DayAnna & her siblings) make the world a better place for being ourselves and sharing our love and to never change for anyone.

 

(4.8)    You have a pretty amazing family. I sure do! I always feel safe with them, but when I am away from them, I am scared.

My parents tried so hard for our family, but I saw sadness in them that I didn’t know how to fix. My dad blamed himself for accepting the job and moving us to an area that could not accept us, and I blamed myself for being different.

I knew I would never fit in here, and I didn’t want to go on living a life that wasn’t mine anymore. So, on March 18, 2021, I skipped school. My dad was at work, I think my mom was at the grocery store. I got my hands on some pills and tried to overdose. My oldest brother walked in at the right time and called 911, saving my life.

 

Can you tell me more about that?  At the time, I knew I wasn’t thinking about what would happen if I succeeded. I just wanted everything to stop hurting. So many kids in my neighborhood kept saying I did it for attention. My teachers wanted to know why they didn’t see it coming, and my parents wondered what they could have done to prevent it.

The truth was, I was depressed and felt my differences were causing heartache around me, and I wanted it to stop. I became really good at hiding how I felt. At school, I had to act and look like a boy. At home, I felt I had to hide my sadness and depression because my family had been so supportive, and I didn’t want to let them down any more than I felt I already had.

I know now that if I told my parents about how I was feeling at the time, they would have taken me to see a psychiatrist and get the help I needed, but I think, I was in a place where I just saw that as another burden to add on top of everything else.

 

(4.9)    How are you doing now, almost 2 years later? Well, as you can see, I am back to being DayAnna every single day, unapologetically and authentically. There is no more dressing to please my environment. I am 100% exactly who I am and only accept love in my circle.

I have been keeping up with my therapy and haven’t thought about suicide since, although it is a daily struggle to honor my emotions, which I am working on. My family and I go to group therapy and transgender support groups. And have been more involved in the LGBTQIA+ community.

My grades have gone back up. I love reading, drawing, cooking, and spending time with my friends and family. Last month, I started driving lessons! What can I say, I am a typical 16-year-old girl.

But the best news is that my dad decided to leave his job and open up his own firm back in the town where I grew up, and we are surrounded by friends and family.

 

(4.10)  Wow! That is amazing. I am so happy to hear how everything worked out and that you are on your path to healing. Let me ask you, what frightens you most about being a transgender girl today? I am terrified that so many laws and bills are attacking the LGBTQIA+ community, specifically transgender people. I look back at everything my family went through over the years with the schools and community just to protect my rights to be who I am, a transgender girl. Then I think about the families in Texas, for example, being investigated for child abuse because their child is transgender! That blows my mind because I would never accuse my parents of ever neglecting any us.

Being straight, transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or questioning is not a choice. It is who we are, and it is not right or fair that we have leaders in office suggesting that only one identity is correct in this country. That is like saying there should only be one race or one religion. It just doesn’t make sense because that is now how this country was built. We are the melting pot, and our country is what it is today because of our differences.

I read once that a South Carolina pastor who ran for Congress introduced a bill to execute transgender people for poisoning children’s minds because he believed that there is no such thing as a transgender child, only abusive parents.

 

(4.11)  I am glad you mentioned that because that is precisely what this is about. There are indeed many Anti-LGBTQ out there, and unfortunately, as you know, not everyone has this much love and support in their lives. What advice would you give someone who identifies as transgender, is scared, and doesn’t know where to go for support?  Well, for starters, I want you to know that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, and DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Being transgender is not ‘just a phase’ or choice we get to make. The only choice we get is whether we come out and, if we do, to whom.

The truth is it is not easy to not fit in with your own skin that is different from your inside. But, everything that you are feeling, I promise, is normal, and don’t let anyone tell you it’s not.

I totally get it. On the outside, physically, I was a boy, but everything about me is female. But, at the end of the day, not everyone is going to be okay with your lifestyle or your choices, but it is yours, and only yours to live. You know what is right for you and your happiness.

But know this. You Are Not Alone! There are plenty of online and in-person transgender support groups such as “The Trevor Project,” “Trans Lifeline,” and “Gender Spectrum.” Oh, my goodness! I can keep going on with the available resources out there. My biggest suggestion is to find your community, and they will be your greatest supporters through every step.

 

[end of interview]

 

Read the research and more stories and facts about growing up LGBTQ in America today;

 

Table of Contents

The effects of anti-LGBTQ+ Bills on Youth in the United States: Data Resources 1

Suicide Facts (1.1) 2

LGBTQ+ Stressors (1.2) 2

The Trevor Project: Suicide Rates (1.3) 2

Chart: LGBTQ+ Youth Suicide Attempts in 2021 (1.4) 3

anti-LGBTQ+ Bills 3

Introduction (2.1) 3

Timeline: 2018-2023 (2.2) 4

Chart: Bills introduced in 2023 (2.3) 4

Legislative Attacks on LGBTQ+ Students 5

Introduction (3.1) 5

Chart: LGBTQ+ Rights Attacked (3.2) 5

Link to Access Chart Data in Excel (3.3) 6

The effects of anti-LGBTQ+ Bills on Youth in the United States: Interview 6

In Her Words: DayAnna (Age: 16) 6

About the Family (4.1)  6-7

Growing Up (4.2) 7

Transition (4.3) 7

Chosen Name (4.4) 7

Telling Friends (4.5) 8

Facing Adversity (4.6)  8-10

Family vs. Community (4.7) 10-11

Suicide Attempt (4.8) 11-12

Overcoming Adversities (4.9) 12-13

What Frightens you today? (4.10) 13-14

What advice would you give to someone who identifies as transgender? (4.11) 14-15

References 15 (at end of this article)

 

 

 

 

The effects of anti-LGBTQ+ policies on Youth in the United States: Data Resources

 

• Suicide is the 2ndleading cause of death among young people between the ages of 10-24 in the United States. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning (LGBTQ+) youth are more than four (4) times as likely to seriously consider suicide and attempt suicide versus their peers. Not necessarily due to their sexual orientation or gender identity but because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society.

 

• LGBTQ+ youth face stressors their peers typically don’t have to worry about, such as rejection, discrimination, violence, bullying, and harassment because of their identities, especially for transgender youth.

 

• The Trevor Project reports LGBTQ+ Youth between 13–24:

• +13 million people, 13 and older, identify as LGBTQ+.
• +1.8 millionseriously consider suicide each year:
  • 2 million between 13–18
  • 693,000 between 19-24
• Approximatelyone LGBTQ+ youth attempts suicide every 45 seconds.

 

(1.4)

 

anti-LGBTQ+ Bills

 

• • Parents/guardians, teachers, mentors, and policymakers must help ensure that LGBTQ+ youth receive continued support and access to mental healthcare resources. Unfortunately, our country’s legislation introducing and passing numerous anti-LGBTQ+ bills each year makes this challenging.

 

• Let’s look at a timeline over the last five (5) years:

• Since 2018, virtually 670anti-LGBTQ bills have been filed in the United States.
• Since 2020, there have been over 100bills presented to state legislatures against transgender people.
• In 2022, 278bills targeting LGBTQ people primarily focused on transgender youth. Of these, 20 became laws, including 17 restricting the rights of transgender student-athletes.
• As of February 10, 2023, there were a total of 299 anti-LGBTQ+ Bills introduced in 34

(2.3)

 

 

LEGISLATIVE ATTACKS ON LGBTQ+ STUDENTS

 

• • Three policies in particular:
• banning transgender girls and transgender boys from playing on respective sports teams;
• prohibiting doctors from prescribing gender-affirming medical care to transgender youth; and
• requiring schools to tell parents if their children are using different names or pronouns or are identifying as LGBTQ+ at school; and the “Don’t’ Say Gay” Bill.

 

(3.2)

(3.3)    Link for Charts (Excel): https://1drv.ms/x/s!ApxydKQHd62HxQtN9ImSUbngGEbc?e=JoLYWb

 

 

The effects of anti-LGBTQ+ policies on Youth in the United States: Interview

 

IN HER WORDS:

By: DayAnna, she/her (age 16)

Parents: Kylie & John

 

Interview via Zoom: February 16, 2023

 

[Public Disclosure: Based on a true interview, the location has intentionally been omitted, and the names of the parents have been changed to protect the identity of a minor]

 

(4.1)    Tell me about yourself and your family. I have four older brothers, and always felt like we didn’t have anything in common. They would play ball and fight all the time, loved getting dirty and lost in the woods, and I hated all of that! I didn’t like to dress like them, either. I would ask them to play with me and watch movies, but they never wanted to do anything I liked to do. It was four against one. I’d always lose.

 

(4.2)    Wow! Four older brothers! That must have been fun growing up! Well, yes and no! (laughs) We have always been a close-knit family. I am the baby, so of course, they say I’m the spoiled one, but they love having a sister, and they are super protective over me, sometimes a little too protective! (laughs)

My mom always said that having a sister has taught the family to express our emotions freely, making us a stronger unit.

 

(4.3)    When did you transition? My mom told me I was about 4 years old the first time I told her I was a girl, but I think it was more obvious a few years after that. When I started school, I’m not sure if it was more in preschool or kindergarten, but I was part of the girl’s group. We played with dolls, dressed up, and had tea parties. I felt like we were the same, and everyone seemed to accept it.

 

(4.4)    How did you choose your name? We all had a part in it. I asked my mom and dad what they would have named me if I had been born a girl. My mom said Dana, and my dad wanted Annabelle. My brothers said they like Dianna or Marie. So that’s how we selected DayAnna Marie. We combined them all.

It was a true family effort.

 

(4.5)    How did you tell your friends? Oh, I don’t know. I was always ‘one of the girls,’ so it was just so natural. I don’t think anyone really thought differently at the time ~ I was a girl. No one ever called me otherwise. They always referred to me as she or her and called me DayAnna or Daylight.

 

(4.6)    Can you tell me about anytime you were faced with adversity? Sadly, yes. This used to be very difficult to admit and discuss. So, please bear with me. I am still healing.

Things started to become a little more uncomfortable as I got older. My dad accepted a new job, and we moved out of state away from all my friends.

My new school was not as supportive and open to me. I remember my first day. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to get to meet new people. My mom and I went to the mall to get a new outfit and I picked out a pink top, skinny jeans, and a pair of flats. I carried my purse and wore my hair up in a ponytail with a bow. The kids stared at me and started teasing me, calling me some really hurtful words. I didn’t understand it because I was not used to that reaction. When I told my teacher, she told me it was because I wasn’t dressed properly and had to change my outfit and look more like a boy. I told her I am a girl. She sent me to the principal’s office for being disobedient.

 

That must have been so awful for you to experience. I am so sorry to hear that! Thank you, yes it was very hard and embarrassing! And because this was something I had never had to face before. I have been living openly as a female for like, I don’t know, what, like 6, maybe 7 years at that point?, and my identity has never been questioned or challenged before.

So, I went to the principal’s office in tears and told her what had happened. I guess I thought she would let me know everything was okay, and she would have a conversation with the teacher and send me back to class. But instead, she lectured me about wearing feminine clothes and said, ‘that’s not how a young boy is supposed to dress.” She called my mom, told her what had happened, and asked her to bring me “appropriate clothing” to change into so I could return to class.

I remember sitting in the front office, crying, waiting for my mom. I was so scared and ashamed, like I had done something wrong. My mother got there really quickly, and to my surprise, my father left work to be there with her, and they were empty-handed, which did not make the principal happy. But I don’t think that mattered very much to my parents because they were even angrier at them (*school: principal & teacher).

 

What happened next?  We (*DayAnna & her siblings) were taught to never judge another person for our differences. That everyone is unique and has a special gift to offer the world. People don’t understand what they don’t know and will never see another person’s perspectives or struggles unless they are open-minded.

I don’t live in a bubble. I know that the world is not always happy and kind. I may not agree with the concept, but I understand that kids bully and tease other kids that are different from them, or for whatever other reason they may have. I don’t want to make excuses for kids being mean because there never are reasons for it. But at the same time, we are at that age where we are trying to figure out who we are and see where we fit in with our surroundings. And for the most part, the behaviors we absorb, we are learning from our adults raising us, our parents/guardians, teachers, neighbors, even our government.

I cannot understand or accept an adult being a bully, ESPECIALLY to a Child!

 

(4.7)    Yes, you are absolutely correct. That is a powerful statement. However, I am curious, after your parents met with the principal and teacher, did your school experience get any better? No. Not at all. School was a nightmare, and I was terrified of going out in public alone.

My family became the outsiders in the community, the ‘troublemakers.’ My brothers were getting into fights to protect me, and my parents were making so much noise at school and in the community that it came to a point where it was ‘us against them.’

I couldn’t take all the fighting and pain anymore. I loved my family so much, but I felt I was the cause of their struggles and adding more stress to their plate. So, I started dressing like a boy and hiding who I was to try to make it better, but it didn’t. The kids were still mean to me for being ‘gay’ and expletive words I’m not comfortable sharing, and I felt like I was losing myself because I was ignoring my authentic self to satisfy those around me.

Gym class was the worst. My teacher would separate the class into boys and girls, I had to play the boys’ sports and change in the boy’s locker room, and use the boy’s bathroom because they said it wasn’t right for a boy to be in a girls rooms for privacy reasons, but I felt it was okay with them (*school, teachers, & peers) to put me in a situation with boys where I didn’t feel safe or comfortable.

My parents always said that they didn’t want me to be someone or something I wasn’t just to make others feel comfortable and that I didn’t have to dress like a boy just because society says that’s what I’m supposed to do.

They always said that the world can be so small sometimes, and we (*DayAnna & her siblings) make the world a better place for being ourselves and sharing our love and to never change for anyone.

 

(4.8)    You have a pretty amazing family. I sure do! I always feel safe with them, but when I am away from them, I am scared.

My parents tried so hard for our family, but I saw sadness in them that I didn’t know how to fix. My dad blamed himself for accepting the job and moving us to an area that could not accept us, and I blamed myself for being different.

I knew I would never fit in here, and I didn’t want to go on living a life that wasn’t mine anymore. So, on March 18, 2021, I skipped school. My dad was at work, I think my mom was at the grocery store. I got my hands on some pills and tried to overdose. My oldest brother walked in at the right time and called 911, saving my life.

 

Can you tell me more about that?  At the time, I knew I wasn’t thinking about what would happen if I succeeded. I just wanted everything to stop hurting. So many kids in my neighborhood kept saying I did it for attention. My teachers wanted to know why they didn’t see it coming, and my parents wondered what they could have done to prevent it.

The truth was, I was depressed and felt my differences were causing heartache around me, and I wanted it to stop. I became really good at hiding how I felt. At school, I had to act and look like a boy. At home, I felt I had to hide my sadness and depression because my family had been so supportive, and I didn’t want to let them down any more than I felt I already had.

I know now that if I told my parents about how I was feeling at the time, they would have taken me to see a psychiatrist and get the help I needed, but I think, I was in a place where I just saw that as another burden to add on top of everything else.

 

(4.9)    How are you doing now, almost 2 years later? Well, as you can see, I am back to being DayAnna every single day, unapologetically and authentically. There is no more dressing to please my environment. I am 100% exactly who I am and only accept love in my circle.

I have been keeping up with my therapy and haven’t thought about suicide since, although it is a daily struggle to honor my emotions, which I am working on. My family and I go to group therapy and transgender support groups. And have been more involved in the LGBTQIA+ community.

My grades have gone back up. I love reading, drawing, cooking, and spending time with my friends and family. Last month, I started driving lessons! What can I say, I am a typical 16-year-old girl.

But the best news is that my dad decided to leave his job and open up his own firm back in the town where I grew up, and we are surrounded by friends and family.

 

(4.10)  Wow! That is amazing. I am so happy to hear how everything worked out and that you are on your path to healing. Let me ask you, what frightens you most about being a transgender girl today? I am terrified that so many laws and bills are attacking the LGBTQIA+ community, specifically transgender people. I look back at everything my family went through over the years with the schools and community just to protect my rights to be who I am, a transgender girl. Then I think about the families in Texas, for example, being investigated for child abuse because their child is transgender! That blows my mind because I would never accuse my parents of ever neglecting any us.

Being straight, transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or questioning is not a choice. It is who we are, and it is not right or fair that we have leaders in office suggesting that only one identity is correct in this country. That is like saying there should only be one race or one religion. It just doesn’t make sense because that is now how this country was built. We are the melting pot, and our country is what it is today because of our differences.

I read once that a South Carolina pastor who ran for Congress introduced a bill to execute transgender people for poisoning children’s minds because he believed that there is no such thing as a transgender child, only abusive parents.

 

(4.11)  I am glad you mentioned that because that is precisely what this is about. There are indeed many Anti-LGBTQ out there, and unfortunately, as you know, not everyone has this much love and support in their lives. What advice would you give someone who identifies as transgender, is scared, and doesn’t know where to go for support?  Well, for starters, I want you to know that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, and DO NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Being transgender is not ‘just a phase’ or choice we get to make. The only choice we get is whether we come out and, if we do, to whom.

The truth is it is not easy to not fit in with your own skin that is different from your inside. But, everything that you are feeling, I promise, is normal, and don’t let anyone tell you it’s not.

I totally get it. On the outside, physically, I was a boy, but everything about me is female. But, at the end of the day, not everyone is going to be okay with your lifestyle or your choices, but it is yours, and only yours to live. You know what is right for you and your happiness.

But know this. You Are Not Alone! There are plenty of online and in-person transgender support groups such as “The Trevor Project,” “Trans Lifeline,” and “Gender Spectrum.” Oh, my goodness! I can keep going on with the available resources out there. My biggest suggestion is to find your community, and they will be your greatest supporters through every step.

 

[end of interview]

 

 

References:

Facts About LGBTQ Youth Suicide. (2021, December 15). The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/

Facts About Suicide. (2022, October 24). CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html

Injury Prevention Control. (2023). CDC: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/index.html

Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislature. (2023, February 10). American Civil Liberties Union. https://www.aclu.org/legislative-attacks-on-lgbtq-rights?state=&impact=#categories

Migdon, B. (2022, January 10). Anti-trans legislation negatively impacted mental health of LGBTQ+ youth: poll. The Hill. https://thehill.com/changing-america/respect/equality/589067-anti-trans-legislation-negatively-impacted-mental-health-of/

 

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This article submitted by BayPath University Volunteer Jennifer Lee Kempf

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